My Voice

My Voice

3 leads for my memoir post #3

My first beginnning:

Have you ever been to Camp? I have and alot of drama awoke my trip. We were headed torwards Ensenada, Mexico into a camp area called Las Canadas. Every one so reliefed that we were at camp. I smelled something fishy as soon as my cousin said "Lets go into the pool!" Are you serious he has got to be kidding, I mean the pool seems as if it were closed. Nah! I don't think they closed it maybe Tony wasn't joking around. I had so many thoughts running through my head that it was like a rocket that had just took off.

My second beginning:
"Dad, can I go into the pool?" Again as I told him he stared at me and said"of course you can't." The words were clearly in my mind like an owl who could hoot for anything he heard, even the wind. Then my situation became even more bad ... When my cousin came up to me and said that they were closing the pool, and it was MY FAULT!!! Can you believe that? I know how rude. As I was thinking my mom came up to me and it felt like she had thrown my thought away. My mom and dad said it was getting late and so I had to go to sleep.

Simile, metaphor and hyperbole post #14

A simile is when you use like or as for example: "I was as quiet as a mouse."

A metaphor is like a similie but you don't use like or as for example: "That man is stronger than the famous wrestler. "

A hyperbole is when you are exagerating for example: "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse."

Flashback tecnique #2

One of my flashback tecniques are when I changed the day I put this star thing... *** I put that because Mr. Talner told our class that if you put that you change the date and the time.

Drama at Camp (Draft #2)-Draft #3 final

Have you ever been to Camp? I have and a lot of drama awoke my trip. We were headed towards Ensenada, Mexico into a camp area called Las Canadas. Every one so relieved that we were at camp. I smelled something fishy as soon as my cousin said "Lets go into the pool!" Are you serious he has got to be kidding, I mean the pool seems as if it were closed. Na! I don't think they closed it maybe Tony wasn't joking around. I had so many thoughts running through my head that it was like a rocket that had just took off.

"I don't think we should take a risk and go in the pool, I mean you know you don't know how to swim." I snotted almost laughing. Then he quickly ran to his mom and stared at me with those evil eyes. It was sunset and we had to get ready for sleep. I was to tired to even move when... Bam. Slam. Bum. I fell into the tent with all the Luggage in there. Ouch! ugh. Thats it I'm gonna go to sleep right now. Good night. Night.

* * *

"Ready!" my sisters screamed by the tent.

"No! Leave me alone." I cried.

"You have to get up." my mom yelled.

"Do I have to get ready for going into the pool or not." I said. Wait of course I really must go into the pool. I'll be ready! I cheered. I got into my swim suit.

Waiting in line can be boring but I had to do it. Because if I didn't there was no other way in. Boring. The line was filled in and being pushed around by kids. We got in after like 7 minutes. "Remember Tony you need to stick with me!" I barked running to the slides. He followed but wasn't to glad about the fact that he had to stick with me.

Some minutes (Like 27) passed and I lost Track of where Tony had told me he would go. Oh no where did he go! I thought searching under water and up to the slides. "There he is, Tony! Tony! Careful, try to hold your breath I'll be there in a sec. okay!" I screamed really loud Staring at him and swimming as fast as I could. blah. blar. blurb. I could hear him drowning. I got him and told him are you okay... I could see you choking.

" I'm fine but maybe we should (cough) go back to the tent.

"Uh, no I forgot to tell you we have to go to that cabin that we just got over there." I told him in a quiet soft stroking voice. We got up and to the mountain/hill in the cabin and I jerked " Hey you know ever since we got here the pool has been our drama. Funny ha?"

The end of my memoir, Claudia Alexandra Martinez

Thoughful word choice #9

By: Claudia A. Martinez, Class: Scream o Punch



"Dad, can I go into the pool?" Again as I asked my dad stared at me and said"of course you can't." The words were clearly in my mind like an owl who could hoot for anything he heard, even the wind. Then my situation became worse... When my cousin rushed up to me and said that they were closing the pool, and it was MY FAULT!!! Can you believe that? I know how rude. As I was thinking my mom came up to me and it felt like she had tossed my thought away. My mom and dad said it was getting late and so I had to go to sleep.



"This morning is horrible, I mean why are you torturing me mom?" She didn't answer. After that I was as quiet as a mouse. Luckily at 10:00 she decided to let me and my sisters go into the pool. We were in the pool for a long time. (like three or five hours) I was starting to get very cold. Huh? What? My cousin got upset just because I was freezing. He thought I was going to get out of the pool! This is weird. I had to go to talk to him to know what was going on. "Hey um... are you okay?" He said " Yeah, I'm just hungry." I understood why he was acting weird . We went to the cabin that we had just gotten and ate some food. Then we all took a bath and after that we went to sleep.

When I woke up everyone in my family was in a hurry picking every thing up. I changed and helped my mom put our things in our suit cases. Suddenly I saw my cousin and sisters in their swim suits. I quickly took action and put my swim suit on. We went swimming and got out in thirty - five minutes. We had to leave the camp so we headed home. We arrived at the house in two hours. When we got out of the car we took all our luggage out. We organized the house and made it neat and tidy. We were done cleaning and my aunt and cousin were hungry so we went to Carl's Jr. and got some food to eat. ( we got cheese burgers, fries, and drinks)

I think that the camp was fun but getting home and resting was also refreshing. Going to Carl's Jr. was great because we got to play in the game section where the play structure was. My trip was awesome but next time I hope not to have any more pool problems. But still I had a fun Camp Trip.

ADDING ITALICS #11

Some thoughts I have in my memoir are when I thought, Oh no I know where this going. I have thoughts in my memoir so if you want to read more thoughts they are in my draft. You add italics when your character has any thoughts.

" My hot spot" #6

My hot spot in my memoir is when I go swimming into the pool with games. Its mostly about me andI have pool problems with my cousin and my two sisters (two sisters were agreeing with everything my cousin said.)

Memoir (Beginning)

- Flash back - A tecnique where the writer can "play" or alter time in their writing. You may start your piece at any paint in the narrative and jump back in time to tell the rest.

Interior Monologue #5

This is a tecnique where a characters thoughts are incorperated into the writing. This allows the reader a "peek" into the head of the characters. I will inculde interior monologue in my memoir.
Here is an example:

Are you serious he has got to be kidding, I mean the pool seems as if it were closed. Nah! I don't think they closed it maybe Tony wasn't joking around. I had so many thoughts running through my head that it was like a rocket that had just took off.

Adding dialogue...

is a great way to bring your characters alive.

Try adding "gesture" as well. See example. "Ouch! That hurts!" he said jumping up and down clutching his bloodied knee. There will be more examples in my Draft #2.

Finding the focus and slowing down the "hot spot"also #6

Look at your memoir. What part do you feel is most interesting to the reader. Most important part? Now, try to add some sensary descriptions of that moment. Try to describe it so the reader understands it through other senses (not just sight) This will "stretch" that moment and you will be able to dedicate more writing to that part.

There are 5 types of leads : Sensory descriptions

Here they are:



Posing question:
"How did I get here?" - question
"Dad, can I go into the pool?" - question



Astonishing Fact:
Half of marriges end in divorce. - fact



Spoken words:
Ex:"Oh great?!"
"This is boring!"



Setting the mood:
Ex:What they smell, hear or what they see and/or touch/feel.



Arresting sentence:
Ex: Bam. It happened.

My Memoir: Vacation Troubles (draft #1)

By: Claudia A. Martinez, Class: Scream o Punch



"Dad, can I go into the pool?" Again as I told him he stared at me and said"of course you can't." The words were clearly in my mind like an owl who could hoot for anything he heard, even the wind. Then my situation became even more bad ... When my cousin came up to me and said that they were closing the pool, and it was MY FAULT!!! Can you believe that? I know how rude. As I was thinking my mom came up to me and it felt like she had thrown my thought away. My mom and dad said it was getting late and so I had to go to sleep.



"This morning is bad, I mean why are you doing this to me mom?" She didn't answer. After that I was as quiet as a mouse. Luckily at 10:00 she let me and my sisters go into the pool. We were in the pool for a long time. (like three or five hours) I was starting to get very cold. Huh? What? My cousin got sad just because I wascold. He thought I was going to get out of the pool! This is weird. I had to go to talk to him to know what was going on. "Hey um... are you okay?" He said " Yeah, I'm just hungry." I understood why he was acting weird . We went to the cabin that we had just gotten and ate some food. Then we all took a bath and after that we went to sleep.

When I woke up everyone in my family was in a hurry picking every thing up. I changed and helped my mom put our things in our suit cases. I saw my cousin and sisters in their swim suits. I took action and put my swim suit on. We went swimming and got out in thirty - five minutes. We had to leave the camp so we headed home. We arrived at the house in two hours. When we got out of the car we took all our luggage out. We organized the house and made it neat and tidy. We were done cleaning and my aunt and cousin were hungry so we went to Carl's Jr. and got some food to eat. ( we got cheese burgers, fries, and drinks) refreshing.

I think that the camp was fun but getting home and resting was also good. Going to Carl's Jr. was great because we got to play in the game section where the play structure was. My trip was cool but next time I hope not to have any more pool problems. But still I had a fun Camp Trip.